The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

WARNING...these are tasteless...lol.



What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door?



Matt.



What do you call a man with no arms or legs out in the ocean?



Bob.



What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?



Art.



What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pile of leaves?



Russell.





*runs off quick*

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madamefate
01:15 Oct 30 2009

That's almost too funny. I had on where does a man with one leg work? Ihop :)

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BLOODLIFE
08:45 Oct 30 2009

Oh dear..!

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Isis101
00:01 Nov 01 2009

I recall these...LOL!

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We do a lot of cleaning for the local hospital...drapes, bedding, things that their normal laundry can't or won't handle. Now all of a sudden they are phoning and wanting things back ASAP (we normally deliver 2 to 3 times a week) because of an outbreak of the H1N1 virus.



So, my boss and I go over there, to be greeted by a room FULL of curtains, bedding, what have you...all labeled CONTAMINATED...H1N1.



My boss and I look at each other. We weren't told to bring any sort of gloves or special gear, and here is this mass of stuff that could possibly make us sick. My boss strolls over to the desk of the woman in charge and says..."what is all that?"



"Oh," she says, "a ward that was cleaned out. We have about 8 patients with the virus, and that is their bedding."



My boss looks at her. "And you think we should just pick this up and take it away? You guys all have masks and gloves on, and you've had your shots or whatever. We can't even get an appointment for a shot and you think we should touch this stuff?"



She gets on the phone and within 20 minutes we are told to go up to a certain floor and a room, and voila, we get our shots. We are considered health care workers since we are contracted to the hospital, and we get masks and gloves too.



I still felt icky after breathing in that stuff in the room. It smelled like someone died in there. For all I know, they could have.

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
01:11 Oct 29 2009

WOW I admire you both!!! I would like to think I would do the same thing.

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Theban
11:40 Dec 10 2009

You know the shots have not been tested properly yet?



Lots of people in my country have refused them!



Not to worry you ...lol..oops!

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When you say you're going to delete because of the idiots on here..the childish behavior.....



THEY WIN.



There have been idiots and shit-stirrers around since the dawn of time. Most of them don't last very long. But don't leave because of a few. Your deleting makes them happy...don't give them that joy.



Stay. There's good folks here.

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imagesinwords
02:45 Oct 26 2009

I know. Or even just saying you're going to delete is just begging for people to tell you not to. Either or, to me it's just immature behavior- exactly what they say they are trying to get away from.



There are other examples but it'll hit too close to home for people to swallow today if they happen to read my comment.

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atyourwindow
05:23 Oct 26 2009

i say its vr natural selection.

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What IS it with people who post thread after thread in the VR forum to advertise their society, mentorship, or profile? The threads get closed and they open ANOTHER one.



Come on, stop being childish. Post in your journal if you want, but stop being an attention whore.

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deathnitegrl
20:29 Oct 25 2009

Amen.

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Freyja
23:48 Oct 25 2009

*Nods*

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Isis101
00:02 Nov 01 2009

* waves both arms in the air*



Look at me! Rate me a 10! Tell me I'm cool!





jeesh...

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She worked for us for THREE HOURS and filed for unemployment!!



Someone PLEASE tell me this is FUBAR!



And the cherry on top....she is going to GET unemployment....we were told the reason is because she was not terminated by us, she self- terminated. If we had fired her, then she would have been denied benefits...but...NOOOO!



I'm finding out who my congressperson is and emailing them. This is stupid.

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birra
01:47 Oct 24 2009

Huh?



Wait.



1. Get a job.

2. Work less than half a day.

3. Quit.

4. ...

5. Profit?



I... I... and I was annoyed by one of my tech's unemployment benefit papers arriving before his job was even over...

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HAWK2K
02:54 Oct 24 2009

:O



why didn't I think of that when I had crappy jobs?????????



:: bangs head on desk ::



>:(

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BLOODLIFE
09:28 Oct 24 2009

It's works the other way in the UK. If you're fired you get benefit the same week, but if you leave you have to wait 6 months!!

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Sinora
13:44 Oct 24 2009

Are you SURE you wer'nt torturing her ? lmao

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chrysanthemia
15:57 Oct 24 2009

WTF. Unbelievable!



i know how you feel though. Perplexed, nonplussed--frustrated. Our newest coworker, is on unemployment. While she's working for us. How that happens, i've no clue. But you can imagine how eager she is to work for us, when her unemployment checks will arrive fat and on time just the same.

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Isis101
02:39 Oct 25 2009

Whoa! That's backwards...usually if one is laid off or terminated (not fired for committing a crime or breaking company rules) then one gets unemployment...

In any case, what a lazy bitch. I'd be happy to have a job!

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fyrestrike
18:03 Oct 25 2009

WOW.... I have been fired from every job I have had, excecpt for Dell.... and I have gotten unemployment... WTF... and I am struggling right now... WTF

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Today was one of the wierdest days I have had in a long time. It almost beats the other day when I stuck my hand into fresh poop inside a comforter.



For awhile now, we have been trying to hire someone to be my assistant. No one lasts more than a week at most, and it isn't a particularly difficult job. We start you out pressing shirts, and I stand right beside you and help you each step of the way. If you can learn that, you go on to learn to press other things, and learn the various jobs around the plant.



The other day a youngish latina came in, all bright and chipper, and was looking for a job. My boss interviewed her extensively, got good reports from her other employers, so he decided to give her a shot. Brought her in yesterday and introduced her to me and told her I would be training her. Her eyes got real big and all of a sudden she started speaking broken english.



"I..work with a woman? Her? No....noooo," she kept repeating.



"Yes, yes, you work with her, she trains you, she's your boss," my boss kept telling her. Turns out she wanted to work for a man, she had a hard time working with women. What the hell. So my boss tells her to start today (Wednesday) and report at 6 am.



You'd have thought he told her to go shit in her hat.



"Sees ayem? You keeding? I no get up tha' early!"



My boss said "You want a job? You be here then. You don't show up, we give it to someone else. Plain and simple."



Well, she showed up today but was obviously not a happy camper. Everytime I tried to show her the correct procedure on the shirt machines she would wail "Aye caramba! Madre mio! I no unnerstan dis!"



Now this amazes me, because when we first met her, she spoke regular english with only a trace of spanish accent; all of a sudden all this gibberish comes out. And wailing like a stuck pig every time she was corrected, which was often, as she wasn't concentrating and would make rookie mistakes.



My boss kept hearing her wailing and inquired if I was poking her with a hot lead pipe? He asked her to tone it down and the poor thing burst into tears. After a couple hours I couldn't put up with it much more and asked my boss to speak to her. She blubbered and boo-hooed and tried to tell him I was hurting her; right away he stepped in and stopped her.



" You were not hurt in any way, and we have everything on film to prove it."



"OOhhh" ( the eyes got huge) "you have camera? Film?"



My boss pointed to the lens just over her head. "We tape EVERYTHING here," he told her. "Now. You wanted a job. We are trying to train you. There is no reason to cry and wail. If you don't like this, we say bye-bye now. OK? If not, you go back there and listen to your trainer and learn to press shirts."



She thought for a second. "I think I say bye bye now," she said. "I no like. It too hard."



OY! or should I say, AYE CARAMBA!



I hadn't heard that expression since some old I Love Lucy re-runs. I never thought anyone actually said it.



Anyone want a job?

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Guardian
17:04 Oct 22 2009

I have to say something. It completely blows me away that people would rather sponge off the system, their relatives or anyone else that is willing to give to folks, than to get an honest job.

These days, anyone that has a damn job should be happy they are supporting themselves and their families. What ever happened to pride?

Geesh.

Just wants to kick people in the head sometimes.

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madamefate
01:33 Oct 24 2009

I do I do! I shall work for two hours then get unemployment! muwahahaa!!

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birra
01:51 Oct 24 2009

*baffled*

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Isis101
02:42 Oct 25 2009

OMG1 LOL! I needed a laugh...

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I was out yesterday buying some odds and ends. There are already Christmas decorations up in the stores! Fully decorated trees and everything. Geez, isn't that a bit early? It isn't even Halloween yet.



Anyway, I wandered over into the candle section. I can completely lose my mind in there. There are so many yummy scents now, and the soy candles last a very long time, so there is a lot to choose from. I wasn't in the mood for cinnamon or pumpkin quite yet, so I settled for a Paula Deen candle...Chocolate Gooey Butter Cookie. The candle looks just like cookie dough, and smells delicious...and the best part is, you turn over the label and you get a recipe for the cookies!



I love Paula anyways...ya'll...this is yummy stuff.

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madamefate
03:27 Oct 19 2009

she does have some of the best smelling stuff! I had a passion fruit that I loveeeeeed! and yes stores are retarded. They skipped halloween and thanksgiving.

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Hey kids...when you make a thread to promote your new coven/mentorship/whatever....it would help if you spelled your name right. Otherwise you look mighty silly.



Just a thought.

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Viridian
16:34 Oct 17 2009

I'm going to fail the spelling on my mentorship and coven altogether, just because I can

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madamefate
17:05 Oct 17 2009

YEA! *shakes finger at screen*

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fyrestrike
02:36 Oct 18 2009

GOD BLESS SPELLCHECK!

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Spent part of the day at the doctor's office, and when I tell you the reason why, you will probably go "ack". I know I did.



A guy comes in with what looks like a big ol down comforter, all wadded up. I greet him and start to undo it, so I can check it for spots, tears, and so on....and I stick my hand right into something warm and wet and mushy...pull my hand out and it's coated in SHIT.



I screamed loud enough for my boss to come running, and the doofus customer just stood there with his mouth open while we cussed him out for not telling us there was poop inside the comforter.



"Well," he said, "you didn't ask."



WTF!!



Then he drops the second bombshell. Yes kids, there's more.



"There's lice in there too."



SHIT!! ACK!!



We shoved the customer and his shitty comforter right out the door. I ran upstairs to my boss' parents' apartment and showered and scrubbed with everything they had that was even slightly a cleanser. I must have been upstairs for a good hour. Luckily I always keep a spare change of clothes there, in case I spill or rip something, so I had an outfit to change into.

After I came downstairs my boss drove me to the doctor's office so I could get a tetanus shot.



While we were gone, boss B had a sign made up for our counter:



PLEASE TELL US IF ANY OF THE FOLLOWING ARE ON YOUR ITEMS BEFORE YOU LEAVE THEM:



BLOOD, URINE, FECES, VOMIT, ANIMAL WASTE, FLEAS, LICE, BEDBUGS, OR ANY OTHER ELEMENT BESIDES FOOD STAINS.



WE RESERVE THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ITEMS THAT ARE HEAVILY SOILED WITH ANY OF THE ABOVE ITEMS.



Phew. Anyone want my job? On the plus side..I'm very very clean lol...and I get a haircut tomorrow. On the down side, I keep thinking I feel itchy things....even though I was checked and the doctor said I didn't have lice.



Feck. That was one nasty Friday. But hey...I get the rest of the weekend off!

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fyrestrike
01:10 Oct 17 2009

WOW.... That is disgusting.... I am assuming that you are part of a drycleaner.... ummm how long that it has been in business.... and HOW long did it take for them to make that sign.....lol

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madamefate
02:04 Oct 17 2009

omg ewwwww! *runs out of your journal*

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LadyDarkRayne
03:22 Oct 17 2009

just ewwwww.....

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BLOODLIFE
11:16 Oct 17 2009

I really don't mean to laugh but I'm glad you're well!

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Sinora
13:23 Oct 17 2009

ACK !....yep, you were right lol

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Viridian
16:33 Oct 17 2009

FUCKING LOLLERBALLS



LOL'D SO HARD I SHAT MYSELF



PLZ CHANGE ME

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A male customer said to me today, "I finally figured out why the collars on my shirts get so dirty."



"Why's that?" I asked.



"I wear them a few days in a row."



"ACK!" I exploded. "Why would you put a dirty shirt on your clean body?"



"Well," he said, "I don't bathe every day."



WTF!!

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LadyKrystalynDarkstar
01:52 Oct 15 2009

*hands you some OUST*



ewwwww

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madamefate
02:43 Oct 15 2009

eeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!

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Xzavier
03:06 Oct 15 2009

No STRAIGHT guys are dirty lol



It's one thing to wear a shirt twice or so before washing it (unless your job is dirty or whatever but you get the idea) it's another to not bathe. The reason his collars get dirty isn't bc he wears the dang shirt it's bc his neck has more grime than New Jersey! Silly boys.



Ick, I wanna wash myself now.

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BLOODLIFE
19:57 Oct 15 2009

I wish I didn't sweat :-s

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You ever come across a profile, where they can't even spell their own user name correctly? Yes, I found one. "Hello, I am..." and they spell their name wrong.



Dayum, people. Read your stuff over before you click that box!

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BLOODLIFE
08:46 Oct 14 2009

lol ... they same tha name speaks volumes!!

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I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition tonight. That always gives me a warm fuzzy, to see a needy family get a much needed home makeover.



It was great until the very end....the family was out in the back yard and they saw the basketball court that had been installed for them. And on the ground, in a circle under one of the hoops, were the words:



WHO'S HOUSE? HILL HOUSE!!



Um...ABC....do you think you might use spell check, or punctuation check next time before you embarrass yourself all over the world? It should be WHOSE, not WHO'S. WHO'S is a contraction, it means WHO IS. WHO IS HOUSE?

I don't think so.



Geez. That poor family has to live with that! Maybe after everyone left, one of the kids took some paint out there and re- did it...I hope so.

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Xzavier
08:37 Oct 14 2009

You know I think I may have forgotten the word "whose" actually. Ugh I hate dying! lol

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Have you ever been JUST falling asleep, or asleep for a moment or two, then suddenly come awake? And your heart is pounding like hell? What IS that?



I was having a nice doze on the sofa this afternoon when all of a sudden I woke up with a gasp. Felt like the boogeyman was after me. And of course I couldn't fall back to sleep.



Dammit. Ruined a perfectly good nap.

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chrysanthemia
17:05 Oct 11 2009

That happened to me last night. Except, that was my phone. i'd left it beside my bed--go me. And some asshole called a half hour after i fell asleep. i didn't recognize the number or dialing code though, so didn't pick up and tell them to drop dead.

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Being the huge fan/freak of the Wizard of Oz that I am, and having enjoyed the 70th anniversary set that I got recently....here is a trivia question for other Oz-fans out there.



The three farmhands in the sepia Kansas sequences in the start of the movie, who morph into the Tin Man, Scarecrow and Cowardly Lion in Oz....what were their names? First...AND LAST?



Heh heh. Bet ya don't know.

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BLOODLIFE
14:35 Oct 09 2009

Scarecrow (Ray Bolger), Tin Man (Jack Haley), Cowardly Lion (Bert Lahr)??????

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CarnelianMyst
00:35 Oct 10 2009

The farmhands..not the actors who portrayed them! Their character names are what I am going after.

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fyrestrike
01:16 Oct 17 2009

Ya know, this is the age of the internet.... LOL



Besides, my sister is an Oz FREAK.... She actually has a licensed version of the script on hard back... not to mention the UGLIEST Glenda jack-in-the-box you would ever thought imaginable...

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Hey....thanks to Imagesinwords, and of course Cancer, for sorting out my internet problems and getting me back on here. I had been getting the message that I could not connect to VR since Saturday night.



Thank you both for helping me get back here..I missed the place! :)

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imagesinwords
13:44 Oct 06 2009

Glad to see you back :D

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Guardian
19:19 Oct 06 2009

You too? This is the first time I have been able to get here too! I have been having extreme withdrawls!

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Sinora
13:55 Oct 07 2009

I heard the crabs calling for help and so let the admin know *grins*.

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What is wrong with people these days? Why do they leave things till the last possible minute, then expect other people to get everything done for them....then be pissed off when it can't be done?



Today is Homecoming for our high school. You'd think, wouldn't you, that if you were going to the dance, you'd have your outfit cleaned and ready to go by now? Nahhhh. We had parents phoning all day saying their child needed his/her clothes cleaned for the dance...sheesh, people. After 12 noon we finally put a halt to accepting incoming orders, because otherwise we'd have been there all night.



We had mothers phoning us up getting all nasty and using bad language because we couldn't clean, alter and press their daughter's dresses by 3 pm. "Call yourself a cleaners!" one woman sniffed. (Call yourself a good mom, my boss wanted to tell that one.)



One mother came streaking in holding her daughter's silver silk dress. Unfortunately, it was pouring rain and the woman hadn't bothered to put a bag over iit or cover it in any way. It got soaked. Now, you can't just toss silk in the dryer, you have to let it air dry. That would have taken hours. My boss had to tell her, since she brought it so late (after 2 pm) that there was nothing we could do for her and that it might possibly be ruined because of how wet it was. (It was a dry clean only garment.)



The mom turned LIVID and started screaming at us, telling us how irresponsible we were (WE were? wtf) that we couldn't clean that dress. After hearing her say "you fucking so and so's" for the second time, my boss threw her out.



We do bend over backwards for our customers most of the time (there was a funeral today for a relative of one of our regular customers, and we were doing going-to-funeral clothes most of the day also for friends and out of town family members of the deceased). But, we aren't going to take profanity and asshat behavior.



If you have an event coming up, for pete's sake, get some organization. Get your outfit cleaned and pressed and hang it somewhere that your pets or children can't get at it. Don't wait till the last minute and expect miracles.



It's usually guys who are bad about getting things done at the last minute..but it seems more women are doing it nowadays. This is how bad dry cleaner stories get started, I think.



*end rant*

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Xzavier
02:39 Oct 03 2009

It's got nothing to do with "he or "she" but the society we've created the past few decades. One where there is little to no responsibility, self motivation, everyone's "entitled" and no ethics.



My once positive outlook on the future has turned negative and this is just one small example of why.

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CarnelianMyst
02:42 Oct 03 2009

We call it "McDonald's Syndrome"...people think they can order something to be done, and in a few minutes have it done for them! Doesn't always happen like that tho...

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sahahria
01:47 Oct 18 2009

I have found being appologetic for your own stupidity will also help... goodness knows I'm one of the asshats who forgets. Only typically I do get the help because I understand I'm asking a lot, and if it can't be done, then I know I'm the one to blame.

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Someone's kismet:



"Feel my Presencens"



wtf?

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birra
03:19 Oct 02 2009

People just don't get it... this is not a Cybering site!



How do you feel those through an internet connection, anyway?

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